Ghosting

Often, I find myself so busy with the everyday things of life that I forget there are others who need just a word of encouragement to get them through the day. Those who know me, know I am not a touchy-feely type of person ( I am trying to change). Sometimes I come across as harsh and unconcerned about the problems others are faced with each day. I struggle with trying to be all thing to all people but often fall way short of being much help to anyone.

This week a cousin was sharing her struggle of not having the support from her friends and church while going through a difficult time. As she shared her feelings about what was happening in her family’s life, I begin to wonder how many people within my area of friends and acquaintances were going through difficult times and I was silent? Was I so focused on my own life that I could not see the hurting they are going through?

My cousin used a term that I was not familiar with “ghosting.” Ghosting, for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or relative, disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text. Ghosting isn’t new—people have long done disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of scoundrel. Despite ghosting's commonality, the emotional effects can be devastating.

People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort, and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of social connections to people has made dropping them from our life easy. There was a time when church people got together on Sunday afternoon to share dinner and fellowship. There was a bond that was developed through this social connection. Today, we are so busy we do not have to the time to develop a bond of friendship where we can share the struggles of our life with our church family. The early Christians were known for their love towards one another. They were a community of beleivers sharing their lives with one another.

I understand why people have become so desensitized to the issues their friends may be going through. There are times I do not know what to say to someone going through problems I have never experienced. It might be easy to just avoid contact with them until their issues are resolved but what kind of friend does that? When someone we love and trust disengages from us, it feels like a very deep betrayal. Is this the way a Christian should treat a fellow Christian?

As I examine my own life, I begin to wonder if I have made people feel they are no longer important. Have my actions caused my friends and acquaintances to question the validity of the relationship I have tried to establish with them? This action of “ghosting” a person is the ultimate use of the silent treatment and is emotional cruelty. Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave emotional bruises and scars. It is not my intent to ignore, ghost, or give the silent treatment to anyone. I would hope that I have the courage to tell you why I am excluding you from my life if that were the case. Sometimes there are people who you can no longer have a friendship with because of the harmful influence they may have on your life. Have the courage to tell why you are no longer associating with them. Give them the opportunity to change before you throw them on the trash heap of broken friendships.

So, if you feel I have ignored, ghosted, or given you the silent treatment I apologize, if I am going to break off our friendship, I will tell you why and allow you the opportunity to respond. Breaking friendships is not what being a Christian is about. It is about developing friendship and family. It is about becoming more like Christ, see the needs of people through His eyes. It is about bearing one another's burdens and not being focused on my life so much that I ignore your burdens..